Tom Green: I’ll Admit It, I Am a Fair Weather
A frog is pictured on a golf ball during Round Four of the SAS Masters at the Barseback Golf & Country Club on July 26, 2009 in Malmo, Sweden. (Photo by Ian Walton/Getty Images)
The first stage of recovery is to admit that you have a problem. Until you have done that it is impossible to start on a stable path of getting your life back together.
However, the issue with that is realising you have got a problem in the first place. That initial moment of awakening is not always easy. The truly insane man is the one who is convinced his thoughts are rational. You see what I mean?
Look at it like this, bad habits can creep up on you slowly. You do not realise you are changing until it is too late.
Have you ever heard of the analogy of the frog and the boiling water? I feel like this will illustrate my point. It goes something like this - drop a frog into a pan of boiling water and it will immediately jump out. However, if you place a frog in cold water and gradually raise the temperature over time, it does not notice until it is too late. It’s cooked. You’ve got frog soup!
I am the frog and golf is the water.
Or is golf the frog and I am the water?
I am not sure. I have got lost in the analogy. But you get my point. Things happen slowly over time and the true consequences are not always known until they become dire. You are a dead frog in boiling water. The worst sort of frog.
This is how I found myself in this situation. A shameful spot but one I will happily admit to because as I said earlier, one must admit there is a problem before seeking change.
I have become a fair weather golfer.
“Even Tiger would struggle in these conditions.”
Until Saturday 1st April I had not played a round of golf this year. Until Tuesday 28th March, I had not even picked up a club. What sort of golf addict am I? Well, I am one that prefers warmth, the PGA Tour on Sky Sports and mouthing off my opinions in various Golf Podcasts.
Now, I warn you reader, this affliction starts slowly. A cancelled Sunday tee time because, ‘well the weather is just too bad and I can always go next week’.
Then it is a missed range session because, ‘it is freezing and I really want to finish You on Netflix’
Then you’ve sold your golf clubs, bought a racket and taken up squash. Essentially, you have given up. You’ve become a stereotype. Soon the warm embrace of death will take you. You’re the frog in the aforementioned confused metaphor.
DO NOT BE THE FROG.
However, I have become a bit ‘frog-ish’ recently. I think you will understand why. The UK this year has had a long and hard winter. Normally my London golf course becomes a bit ‘Somme vibes’ around late January, and wanting to avoid trench foot you can remove yourself from the game for a few weeks and pick it up again when the lighter days land in March. But this year we have been experiencing conditions reminiscent of Siege Of Leningrad (Sep 1941 - Jan 1944) since late October.
I refuse to play golf with the backdrop of The Great War.
Justin Thomas of The United States shelters under an umbrella held by his father Mike Thomas in a heavy rain shower during the pro-am as a preview for the 2022 Hero World Challenge at Albany Golf Course on November 30, 2022 in Nassau, . (Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images)
Equally when was the last time you tried to compress an iron shot when the ground underneath your feet is 98% water! It is an impossible challenge. Too much weight over the ball and you’ll take a divot the size of the Mariana trench, too little and you’ll thin the life out of that Pro-V1. What on earth am I supposed to do? Even Tiger would struggle in these conditions. I am convinced right now Tiger would not break 90 at my local ‘pay and play’ course, you cannot be good under these circumstances. I will not hear it said.
However, although you will remain warm and dry during the colder months of the year and potentially save a fortune in new pairs of white trousers not being destroyed by the sins of the ground, you will become BAD at golf.
Oh boy, all that skill you had at the end of last summer, it will have gone. Vanished into thin air. Your MyEG App will taunt you with previous pars and up and downs which you are no longer capable of. That par 3 which was a comfortable 8 iron last year is now a 7 iron. If you are lucky. With the right wind. On a good day.
What I am trying to say here is... I have become bad.
I used play off 10. I no longer play off 10. There are rumours that right now I might struggle to shoot in the 80s? I would not like to pass comment on these rumours. And no, I will not be joining the LIV Tour.
I went to play the highly regarded Celtic Manor recently and I shanked and duff’d and fat’d and sprayed my way around its hallowed turf.
It was embarrassing. Made more embarrassing by the fact you are constantly introduced as, ‘This is Tom, he works in Golf Media and plays off 10’.
To then not get past the red tees on the first and then shank the following 3 wood OB is not a #CoolLook
People think you are going to be impressive. They as a minimum expect you to contribute to the Texas Scramble Format which was only introduced because there were so many hackers in the group. You were not supposed to be one of them. You are now a hacker.
August 28, 2005 at Celtic Manor in Newport, United Kingdom. (Photo by Mike Marsland/WireImage)
This was my moment of realisation, this is when I learnt that I am going to need to change. This is my rock bottom. This is my Patrick Reed improving his lie in the bunker at the Hero World Challenge 2019. This is Phil Mickelson’s 18th hole at Winged Foot during the 2006 US Open.
IT’S A PERSONAL LOW POINT.
So, although this year I have become a fair weather golfer, this is me making a commitment to change in the future. I cannot allow this to happen again, I am going to have to spend the first few months of the this golf season trying to find a form I never needed to lose in the first place. I have let this happen to myself.
On a more positive note there is no better time to have had this realisation. The weather is improving. I am reliably informed by the BBC Weather app that we are through the worst of it this year and that Spring weather is here, complete with showers, it’s still England. So, let’s embrace those light evenings and get back to playing the sport we all adore and are addicted to.
Let’s use the lush turf of our local fairways to buoy the souls of our weary hearts and fan the dying embers of a skill we once knew so well. You can play a draw with a driver and hitting greens in regulation is not impossible.
So, do not do what I did. Do not become a fair weather golfer. Do not become the frog.